she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
