So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize