the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Its about making memories worth repressing
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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