its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
