You work out of a Hotel?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
