I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
