Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
