i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
