you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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