Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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