apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
