Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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