i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
