if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
