There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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