i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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