toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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