Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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