GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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