Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
