If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
