I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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