I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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