Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
