thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
