Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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