..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
