Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
