the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
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