I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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