Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
