I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
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