Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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