Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
