people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Randomize