i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Found the puke drawer
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
