I think im going to throw up on grandma
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
