Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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