Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
