people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize