I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
