dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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