I hate your face
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Is it because I queefed?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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