so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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