i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
