I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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