btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize