his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
