She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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