I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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