fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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