I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
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