Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize