They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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