I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
