Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Sext me about skeletons
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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