Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
