I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
