you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
