I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
