so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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