A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
