so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
