I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
