PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
