Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
