What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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