As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i love accidental penises.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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