Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
