More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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