Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
