after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize